Defeated

Defeated. That is the word that is on my mind right now. That, and overwhelmed. I feel defeated by this house. I feel overwhelmed at the clutter that my house creates and the way I feel when I look around me.

I'm also feeling very nostalgic. I look at my kids and see how much they have changed since they were babies. I look at their bedrooms and see all that they have, and all of the blessings that God has given us for them.

I'm always comparing myself to my Mother, and the way that I grew up. I had a really great childhood, and I'm always striving to be like my Mother. I was looking at some pictures of my family when I was growing up, and I realized that our house wasn't always clean. In fact, most of the time there was a ton of stuff in our bedroom pictures! But I have such great memories of growing up. So I guess what I need to take away from that, is that even though I feel overwhelmed at the very sight of any room in my house, my kids are still growing up and making their own memories. I also need to remember that one day my house will be clean. My Mom's house now is what I keep thinking that I need to have, and that's not true. What will my kids remember? A mom who is constantly cleaning and not playing with them? I hope they remember a Mom who loves them unconditionally, and who plays with them... but someone who can also keep a house clean!

Even after all of that, I just can't shake the tiredness. How do I balance keeping everything clean (when I'm basically the only one cleaning - no offense to anyone else in the house, I'm just the one here during the day to do it), and being a good Mom? I just feel like my whole life is tilting out of control, and I'm barely hanging on and keeping it together.

I think I'm in much need of a productive Spring Break to feel back on track... Oh, and more bible study time with the girls (that REALLY helps!). :)

Aubrie turns 2!!!!

Wow! My baby (toddler) girl is now 2!!!! We had her party on Feb 4th instead of her real birthday, because our weekends are so busy in Feb. It was a great day, filled with lots of people in our house (which was full, but actually ok), good food (yum, chocolate fountain!), and a beautiful little 2 year old.

Aubrie LOVES any kind of art; painting, markers, crayons, pencils, etc. So, we had an art party! It was really easy to plan, since we could go with any color palette. The food was a variety of colors, and we had different colored table cloths and pompoms everywhere, along with some great art projects for the kiddos! I worked myself hard to get the garage cleaned out and ready for art projects in case it rained, and I'm glad that I did... because it did rain! Now I have a cleaned out garage, too, so it was all worth it!

We had pulled pork sandwiches for lunch, amazing cupcakes and truffles from my friend Marie (The Truffle Box) plus a ton of other goodies on our "Starving Artist's Food Table." We also used "U-Stencil-s", and had "Paint Chips." For art projects, we had a table with shaving cream, bubble painting, ziplock baggies with paint inside (for "clean" painting), melted crayon art, make your own handprints for the kids to take home, and race car art (which we didn't do because of the rain). Oh, and I don't know if you can see the walls in any of these pictures, but I found "paint splatter" wall decals on clearance at Office Depot, and it made the house look so fun!

(she was "upset" that they put a baby doll in the stroller... and not her :)

(I think that the adults had a great time at the party, too!)

Aubrie is talking like crazy, although it's in the stage where Chris and I are the only ones who can understand her most of the time. She's now trying out new words, so we can't even understand what she's trying to say sometimes. She still LOVES her drink and blankets, especially if she's unhappy about something, or sleepy. She's in a bit of a Mommy phase right now, and going through a bit of separation anxiety when I leave her somewhere. She is all smiles before bedtime, and is really easy to put to bed. She loves her brother, and it's so cute to watch them play together! Evan is really enjoying her more often, now that they can converse and play a little harder.

It was so much fun to have everyone over and visit while we celebrated Aubrie's birthday. Before we know it she'll be turning 3!

(pics of Aunt Cherry with the kids on the morning that she moved to Arizona!)

(Aubrie playing with her birthday present from us!)

(a lot of these ideas came from Pinterest)

What Did You Say?

We hear this phrase about 20 times a day from Evan. It's kind of a joke around our house that he responds with this to everything we say to him. Maybe I should have his ears checked....

Evan is now only a few months away from being 4, and he's keeping us on our toes! He's growing up into such a fun young man (boy)! He gets so excited about everything, that we are frequently asking him to keep his voice down and to hold still for a few seconds.

We have some really great conversations with him, too. The other day we were visiting with our friend, Lizette, and she told him that he had beautiful eyes. She said, "Where did you get those beautiful eyes?" He responded with, "Um, God." Then she said, "and how old are you now?" "Three," he responded. "And when will you be 4?" Evan says, "After three." Haha, well of course, right?!

Goodness, I could right all day about the funny things he tells us, but it would be our entire conversation from the day! Love that boy; what would my days be like without him?!!!

Why I'm Not God

I've been thinking a lot about God lately. I mean, as a Christian I am taught to never cease praying, but I've been thinking about God even more than usual lately. After finding out some life-changing news for some friends of ours, it's gotten me thinking about a lot of different things and how my own life is going.

I have been thinking about why God does things. It's so frustrating sometimes to be the one on the other end of things and not have the big picture. Not that I'm frustrated with God; I know that He has a plan and does all things for our benefit. Sometimes I just have a hard time seeing the good that is coming out of it.

But then I sit down and watch my children laugh and play together before bedtime, or my amazing husband who does the dishes for me 10 minutes before he has to leave for work because he knows that it will be one less thing that I'll have to do that day. I notice these things a lot more now, and am thankful for the blessings that God has given me. I don't understand how bad things happen to people who are so much more "good" than I am, and wonder why God has blessed me so much, and yet taken from others. I don't feel like I am worthy of such blessings, but I'm thankful that God loves me enough to bless me anyway. I only hope that I can turn around and be a blessing to someone else in return.

I know I'll never understand any of it, and I'm ok with that, as long as I have faith that God really is looking out for me.

Encouraged

I just got home, and am feeling so encouraged. I hope that one day, my children will read this and understand how important it is to surround themselves with the right people.

Tonight, I was finally able to go to a bible study that the girls in my Sunday School class are doing. I made it to the first one several weeks ago, but just hadn't been able to make it since. The devil really tried to keep me from going tonight, too. He knows that I have a soft spot for my kids, and Evan started crying before I left, saying that he didn't want me to go. He even blew kisses to me, crying, and saying to catch the kiss so that I could save it in the van for later. Melt. My. Heart. But, I made it, and I'm so glad that I did.

The bible study was great, and I learned about having people around me that influence me in the direction that God wants me to go, and to also be that kind of influence-er for other people. On those lines, I feel so honored to have been surrounded by the girls at tonight's study. It was so great to hear their prayer requests and praises, and to be encouraged by their struggles and also their wisdom.

I went to the study feeling like I was headed in a million different directions. I left feeling a peace and calmness, and very encouraged. I even heard the song "Hallelujah" tonight on the way home, and saw a rainbow on a tv show right after getting home.

~Thank you, Lord, for showing me that I was on the wrong path, and that I need to focus on You constantly to feel this peace. Thank you for the wonderful women that you have surrounded me with, and who will continue to encourage me as long as I am willing to listen and learn from them. And thank you for showing me "You" tonight, because I now know that I've been truly missing "You" for a very long time.~

My Favorite Things The Kids Do

Here are some things that I think about during the day, but always forget to write down:

I love how Aubrie still kicks her right leg every time I carry her.

I love how Evan still hugs me tightly when he's feeling shy.

Aubrie has the cutest face when something surprises her, and then she'll say, "Oh, no!!!" She gets really into movies, and says "Oh, now!" all the time!

I love that Aubrie and Evan already know how to really relax. There's nothing cuter than seeing them all sprawled out on the couch, with a pillow and blanket, and just chillin'. (That'll probably come back to bite me one day...)

I love that my kids have such good friends in Kaytlynn and Delaney. I love watching them all play together and knowing that they'll have lifelong friends.

I love how Aubrie likes to walk on her tip-toes.

I love how Aubrie and Evan love to dance with me (Aubrie especially).

I love it when the kids put their arms around me, or when their little hands touch me. Evan likes to place his hands on my arms when he sits in my lap, and Aubrie will take my face in her hands and pull me in for hugs and kisses when she's going to sleep. It's my favorite.

I love how Aubrie loves to sing! She'll sing along to almost any song that she hears, especially the "moon" song that is from her favorite movie, "Moonbeam Bear." She'll sing, "ah ah ah meoon, ah ah ah kye (sky), ah ah ah light, ah ah ah bight (bright)." So. Cute.

I love how Aubrie likes to sit like a frog.

I love how Evan wants to blow us kisses and then catch them to save for later.

I love how Aubrie likes to spin around until she's really dizzy, and then the look on her face when she stops!

New House

Ok, y'all. I'm going to put this out there so that you can all encourage me and keep me going. Chris and I have decided to put our house up for sale in April.

I need encouragement to keep the focus on what is important. I get discouraged when I think about our house; thinking that we'll always be stuck her, that we don't make good financial decisions, that our kids won't get the best childhood experiences if we don't have a better house, that life would be easier if we didn't have to drive forever to go to church, etc. I get focused on all of the negative things, and forget that I have no control over any of that, anyway. So many times, I just try to do everything on my own, and forget that God is in control of it all, and has a plan for me and my family that is better than anything I could think of. That's how we got into this home in the first place! If we had waited on his timing, I KNOW that we'd be in a different place in our lives. But I choose to look at all of the positives that He has provided while we've been in this home.

I need encouragement to keep energy when it comes to cleaning out the house. I have this need to throw out everything in our house. But then I get busy with life, my new Thirty-One business, (plus I think I'm literally addicted to the computer!), and I don't work on things that I know are important. I even do that with Chris and the kids. I need energy and focus to get all of my work done, but everything else done, too. Oh, and I'd like to feel no guilt when I can't get it all finished!

Please pray for our family. We'd like to know that we're making the right decision, and that it would all go smoothly. Thanks so much!

3.5 Years

It's been 3.5 years since I gave birth to my first child. That seems like such a long time ago, and then I look at how fast my son is growing up and realize that it's gone by all so fast. My son is growing up to be such a wonderful young man. He's brings love, happiness, and kindness to our home, and to our hearts.

Evan is such a sweet little boy. He is getting big enough to actually play on Chris' phone without me having to tell him how to get to his favorite games, which blows my mind! I'm so used to doing everything for him, that it's crazy to think that he can do something techno without any help. I mean, I can't even figure out how to use Chris' phone sometimes... :)

He's still our talker, that's for sure. He'll explain every little detail of a story, or when asking a question. He can also remember every line of some of the movies we watch, like "Rio." He even does the facial expressions on the characters, which cracks me up! He's really paying attention to what we can and can't say, and is always asking, "Can we say that?" while watching a show. He said "shut up" to Kaylynn a few weeks ago, and got in BIG trouble. I know it's from "Rio," and it just goes to show that even when we try to protect the kids, (we don't watch cable except for PBS, and have Netflix so that we can screen anything they watch ahead of time), they're going to pick up on things that they shouldn't. He'll ask me, "Mommy, he said pepperoni. Can we say pepperoni?" So, it's a work in progress.

He almost never takes a nap nowadays, but he still has "quiet" time in his room. I've had to create a rule that he can't get out of bed except to go to the potty, because he'll get up and play with toys the whole time. But I'm so bad, because I never go back in the room once I'm out (cause he'll try to talk me into staying or cry when I leave again!). So even if he is out of bed, I don't go back in. At least he's being quieter up there than he would be downstairs!

I'm going to actually go right now, and find a board int he garage so that I can start tracking his growth. I've neglected it up until now, because I knew we'd be moving one day, and didn't want to leave anything important like that behind. But I look at him, and just want to have that board to keep forever on how much he's grown. Just looking at him makes me think he'll be a teenager before I know it!

I love having a little boy, and love him to pieces!

Aubrie's 20th Month

Ok, so I'm just now getting over the fact that my baby is 1.5 years old... and now it's already two months past that... In just four short months she'll already be two. Does that sound crazy to anyone else? Guess I should jump on planning a birthday party. Last year I waited until after Christmas to do it, and I got too busy and felt rushed. I can't believe it's time again already!

My Aubrie is such a wonderful and sweet baby girl! She definitely has her moments of drama, but it makes her so fun to be around! She loves to snuggle, too. She hasn't been taking naps at MDO lately, so on the way to the front door yesterday, she just whips her legs around and makes me carry her like a baby, and she was totally happy! Of course, I loved every minute of it! The other day, she saw me sitting in the rocking chair in her room, and she came up and said, "Eat! Eat!" But she was holding a sock, so I thought she meant "feet." "No, eat!," she said. She crawled up in my lap, and just snuggled down into my arm. It was a sweet moment, because she sat still long enough for me to just hold her again. Then we went and ate some cheerios; yummy!
She loves her brother! Every time she wakes up, and when I pick her up from MDO, the first word out of her mouth is, "Evan." And if I tell her that he is still asleep, she says, "No Evan leep." She loves to yell at Evan to wake up if he falls asleep in the car, "Evan, akeup!" She just wants to play with him all the time. That is, until he puts her in a head-lock (what he calls a hug...).
She is really talking a lot lately! It's so neat to watch her start to string her words together! When we get to her class at MDO she'll say, "Fun. Fens (friends)." I love that she is starting to express herself with words. She still signs a lot of things, though; I guess from habit. She'll still sign "please" and "more" almost all of the time, while she says the words, too.
I am still watching Kaytlynn & Delaney two days a week, and both of my kids are in love with those girls! It is so fun to watch them all play together. And these are good girls, too, so I'm happy that my kids will have life-long friends with good people. One of Aubrie's favorite things to say to Delaney is, "No, Naney." She calls both girls "Naney," even though we're working on her saying Kaytlynn's name, too.